Things will never be the same

Today, I realize I’m am in such a different place in my life journey. I see things so differently today and I’m sure I will continue in this vain until I leave this earth. I am becoming more aware of me, the man made in the image of the creator and sustainer of all life. That is just something so incredible to think about and even more incredible to really believe it. I know I have seen the words, spoken the words, but I have not fully embraced this truth. I am just now really approaching this as something I think I can believe. I mean, come on, me with all my flaws, all my mistakes, all my less than honorable thoughts, all my judgement, all my resentments, anger and hatred and yet I do somehow know, I am made of the finest stock. I am known and I am loved and have been long before I was born. The God I believe in is magnificent and is incapable of anything but love for his creation. I am here to remember, to be and to know with all my heart, mind and soul that we are one. One life, one perfect life of pure perfect love. Jesus indeed did show us the way, but I don’t believe the way is outside of ourselves. It is not something to grasp when I die or something in the sky. It is within my heart, the fullness of God, right here, right now. It is not external. It is internal and it is the fullness of God. Nothing is held back, nothing is beyond my touch, my reach, my dreams, my desires. The kingdom is here, now!

This is what gives me hope each new day. I have been through much and have suffered great loss. My heart aches for my loved ones who are no longer here, but I know they are not really gone. They are just in a place that I cannot fully go right now, but I can sense their presence if I am attentive to the beauty of life and that starts with me. I must first love myself. I must first know that I am worthy, that I am not the sum of my mistakes. I am finding my way through this life by digging deep. By challenging my beliefs and facing my fears. I am pushing the envelope and I am truly excited by what I am finding. New life is filling my lungs and I am finding a peace and a beauty to life that is beyond what I could see before. As I commit and move toward life and love, life and love are moving toward me. Amazing to say the least.

As I contemplate another Christmas season wihout those I loved and love so dearly, I am so truly thankful for the contribution of love they added to my life! I have been loved well my entire life and today I recognize that more than ever. This recognigition is healing my brokenness and as I heal, I am recognizing the beauty of life in all creation. The deep within my heart connecting to the deep within another. Beautiful! I am a blessed man!

Doug

I finished!!! I am so grateful for the opportunity to participate in such a beautiful and spectacular event. I once again was honored and proud to wear the Team McGraw colors and run with the passion and compassion of my fellow teammates and friends. The weather was beautiful, although a bit warm, and the city of Chicago is simply beautiful! The lake, parks, art, architecture, museums, flowers, trees and people all brought forth a sense of welcome and serenity to me. I absolutely want to return and spend more time in this place.

I cannot fully describe the sense of oneness as we gathered Saturday evening for the pre-race dinner and the sharing of our stories of why we are running. I am always touched deeply in my soul as I hear the love and the pain poured out from the hearts of each person. Truly, a sacred time, a time to remember our loved ones who have fought the hard fight and have gained the ultimate gift. A time to honor those who are in the battle every day and continue to encourage and inspire. A time to dig deep into our own pain and individual journeys and find the courage to live on despite our losses and our heartache. And a time to inspire, encourage and comfort one another. Additionally, as a team, we raised over $25K for the Tug McGraw Foundation. Pretty darn amazing!

The morning of the race for me, was and is always such an incredibly different day than any other.  I wake with a sense of awe, a sense that something life changing will take place on this day. I feel as if I am in the presence of those we honored the night before and connected with every runner on a very spiritual level. I cannot fully explain the feeling as it transcends words.  I am not just running a marathon, I am grieving, healing, honoring and, although I cannot begin to know the extent, I am changing the world!

We gathered together in the hotel lobby at 5:45 a.m. and are joined by ultra-marathon runner and author Marshall Ulrich who also donned a Team McGraw shirt! I was both honored to meet him and to share with one another of our healing from great loss through running. After the team picture, I am given a gift from Katie; prayer beads that had been given to her to help her through the loss of her beautiful friend Jenny. I am moved to tears as I feel the love of this gift and the continued connection of what I was already feeling.Lynn provides a special prayer for me…I feel so honored and so loved! I started the race with Katie and Heather on each side of me and more prayer. The gifts continue!

As I’m running, I’m finding it difficult to find a good rhythm. I am trying to just go with it, but I am beginning to get distracted and start to worry about my time….my competitive side and my ego is having its say. As Katie peeled off to support her husband Jason in his first marathon, Heather continued running with me for 12 miles. At that point I was running by myself and struggling a bit. At 14 miles, my quad started cramping. At first I tried to just ignore it, then I stretched, but it was not going to stop. I decided to visit the medical tent before being taken out fully. Thanks to the lady who massaged my leg! It hurt so good! After the good rub down and a few Tylenol, I was able to continue running, but not for long as the cramping came back. Two things happened at that point. First, I found that I could run again after walking for a bit. So I found a pace that allowed for running about a half mile at a time combined with a bit of walking to allow the cramping to subside. Secondly, this pace shutdown my ego and its quest for a good finish time. After all, I was not there for a great finish time and from that point on I saw the event through eyes of awareness. I felt my serenity return, I saw the people who lined the streets and encouraged and cheered (Chicago people are amazing). I saw the runners and I was so inspired by those I saw; young, old, some with great physical limitations, all running with different gaits and different strides one step at a time toward the finish. I saw a beauty that changed me. I was refreshed and renewed and working toward the finish with a such an awareness of life.

I saw Jeff and Kevin at mile 21. Jeff joined me for a bit for some pictures, sports beans, encouragement and a couple of laughs! Heather found me again at mile 22 and I was honored to finished out the last 4 miles with her by my side. As we turned the corner for the last 300M, Lynn was there to cheer us to the finish! Yes!!! The finish was amazing as there were so many people there to cheer each runner! I am truly reveling in each step, each word of encouragement! Heather and I finished hand in hand and I couldn’t help but succumb to the emotions I was feeling at that moment…Beautiful, simply beautiful!

I am so grateful for this experience. I never in my craziest thoughts could have imagined that at 54 years of age I would be running a marathon in Chicago, let alone, run 3 half and 2 full marathons in less than a year and a half. Not one day has gone by without me thinking of Christy. I thank her for the love and encouragement she gave me while she was here with me for 20 years and I thank her for the continued strength, courage and inspiration she continues to give me! Today, I am living and loving life as it is, in this moment and I am so thankful!

Ya Gotta Believe,

Doug

This is a hard one for me to grasp, but there is light even in the darkest places. Even when hope seems lost. Even when I fully deny the light, it is there. I sense this and I know this truth and it is what gives me strength to live each day, one day at a time. I am so thankful for this truth as today has been a hard day. Days like these tend to hit me hard as I somehow don’t expect them. The feelings seem to surface without warning or I deny or ignore the warnings. I would suspect though, that even if I did try to prepare, it would be just as hard, but I could eliminate the denial.

Today is the 19th of September, exactly 19 months since my girl left this world. I should know by now that the 19th of every month gets me, but lately I’ve been trying to let it pass without much acknowledgement, even to the point of deliberately ignoring it. But, my heart won’t let it pass. Oh God, it still hurts badly. I want to not feel this pain, but hard as I try to ignore it, it won’t leave me alone. As hard as I try to just live this new life, I can’t escape the pain of this loss. I cannot just move on.

So, today I write and as I write I will attempt to allow the pain in and give it attention. What is it that I must learn in this place? What is it I must know and experience? I’ve never felt hurt to this degree and I’ve been feeling it for 19 months, it is always there, always just under the surface of all I do, everywhere I go. How can I use this pain, this aching to quench the longing in my heart, this longing to love,to be loved, to be known? I want to dig deep into my being and know the authentic Doug, the unique and precious creation known long before I was born, every hair, every cell unique and known by love. I desire to embrace this pain as I believe that is what it takes to know this love fully. But, I need courage, strength and wisdom of which I am not confident of manifesting on my own, even though I know it is within me. I pray for the courage to go there, to not be afraid, to not turn back. I want to be free, to be whole!

Although I am hurting, I am grateful today. I am grateful for the beautiful people in my life that have come along side of me to encourage me and love me well. I do see life today and I see hope in this moment, in this sacred space. For as I seek, I know I will find and as I knock and knock and knock, I know the door will be opened wider and wider and wider! I am trusting today to expose my heart and allow the light to touch the dark and wounded places.

Please hold me close in your thoughts and prayers!

Doug

At different points in my life, I have taken on specific identities. When I was young, I was a ballplayer. I lived and breathed baseball. I had no doubt I would be in the major leagues some day. As I got a little older, I took notice of the opposite sex and when I was noticed, I soon thought I was special and being a ballplayer was not as important as being a player. I soon found my way to alcohol and drugs and party animal was my new identity. That led to trouble maker, bad influence, drunk, lawbreaker and jailbird. I also managed to become a 2 time divorcee and on the positive side, a father. Loss of control with alcohol and drugs brought me to a belief of being a failure, a loser, worthless and I really hated myself and this identity. Life really didn’t seem to have much for me as I felt that I had really blown it and my opportunities were missed. I was indeed hopeless……

Sobriety came to me and I found hope in a power greater than myself and as I did I began to find my heart again. The negative identify was being replaced with a newness and a fresh perspective. I soon met a girl name Christy and she really liked me, Doug! It was the beginning of finding my true identity, my authentic self. Wow, this was incredible! To be able to be honest, to be real, to ask questions, to seek truth, so refreshing! The years were filled with seeking truth for ourselves. Praying, fasting, meditating, studying, stretching ourselves in order to grow, to know the fire that was burning inside. I was beginning to find some serenity. My identity was becoming something I desired, finally!

In the beginning years of my sobriety and our marriage, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to attend college for free! Computers soon became my new interest. After finishing school and venturing into the business world, I found myself becoming obsessed with  obtaining knowledge and spent many, many hours studying and learning as much as I could as quickly as possible. My new identity was technology expert and although I had holes in my skills, due to the lack of experience, I was pretty darn good at all this. But, there never seemed to be enough time in a day…..I slept less, spent time with my family less….always something really important that had to be done. I surely would like that time back now. During those same years, I also managed to attend and serve on many spiritual retreats, I lead Sunday school classes, gave talks, sermons, was a House Church leader, a Biblical story teller , I read the Bible year in and year out (cover to cover) in addition to dozens of other guides and books on growing my faith. Deep in my heart, I have always had this yearning to know God deeper, to know who I am and why I’m here. I thought I could do it all. It all seemed like good stuff, noble even, but I was quickly burning out. I was in trouble, but seriously in denial.

When my beautiful girl Christy was diagnosed with brain cancer, priorities quickly changed. Treatments, trips to hospitals, tests, medicines, diets that had to be planned and managed; these were all now my life. I soon became the best caregiver that I could be. I researched, I asked questions, I prayed for a miracle healing. I loved my girl as best as I could while I was dying on the inside knowing I was losing her. I think I did a pretty good job despite this and loved her well. Christy left this world loved and treasured. I am extremely thankful for the time I could spend with her and can even see that the time I had put in studying and into our business early on allowed me to be with her extensively during these precious moments. Regretful and thankful all at the same time. Funny how life works.

A year and a half later, I find I really don’t quite know who I am, but I am sensing that I am being guided by a essence of extreme love that never leaves me. My heart aches and my mind wanders, but I am moving forward. I am a marathon runner, a guitar player, a cyclist, a business owner, a writer, a Dad, a grandpa, a friend, a brother, but mostly a man after the heart of God. I am not willing to settle for anything less than knowing completely the fullness of God’s love. This love that has consistently overwhelmed me both in life and in death is what gives me hope and the courage to take the next step. And I must say, each step freaking hurts! But this love is at my core, my heart, my soul. I can’t give up! I know this is where my true identity is found!

Doug

Once again, I am back from an extraordinary life breathing event with Team McGraw. The inaugural Rock n Roll 1/2 Marathon in Providence, Rhode Island. The beauty of life is so evident in these events with this special group of people. I am so honored and blessed to be given this gift of perspective into the hearts of greiving people. People who have suffered great loss and adversity, yet choose to live life.

Team McGraw Providence

Not ony was this the first 1/2 Marathon event in Providence, it was a special event for the Lang family. My friend and teammate Pete Lang, headed up the effort to bring Team McGraw to this event in his home state to honor his father Ray. The participation and support of Pete’s family was inspiring to say the least.  Everyone on the team was welcomed as family, sharing in the pain and beauty that we all know.

Arriving in Providence early Friday morning allowed time to find our way to downtown and Joe’s American Bar and Grill. Seafood is probably what one should look for, but the steak and veggies here were just incredible!

Joe's American Bar and Grill

Lynn and I were also blessed to meet Al, the mayor of the Marriott. Al is the only full time resident at the Marriott.

Al is 92 years old, a WWII veteran and purple heart recipient, a former 10 year State Representative, a widower to his beautiful bride of 60 years and just a beautiful man who loves life and people. Al says he doesn’t know why he is still here at 92, but chooses to see the beauty in life and live as fully as he is capable.

The Team McGraw dinner on Saturday night was once again a sacred moment in my life. To share the stories of why we are here is again both tragic and beautiful. We are choosing to create beauty in the midst of great pain. Sharing my story brings the heartache of my loss to the surface and is no less painful today than it has ever been, but I choose to allow the pain to surface and this brings me courage to live. Sharing our stories with one another brings us all close and allows us to find renewed life in the depths of our hearts. I am so thankful for these moments of clarity into what life is really about.

A Sacred Time

Sunday morning, race day, brought in the rains, but it surely didn’t dampen our spirits! We were ready to run! The start was delayed by about 20 minutes, which was a bit difficult, but once we started running I was able to regain my focus and find a comfortable pace. The course was beautiful with some nice hills and lots to see. The rains were consistent and heavy at times. My feet were soaked within the first couple of miles, but I soon got use to it. There were lots of puddles to dodge, but after awhile what did it matter. With the humidity, I was quite happy with the rain. I struggled the last few miles, but focused hard on finishing for Christy and for all those I run to honor and support. I did it! I even improved my time again!

With my friends Pete and Carmen

We enjoyed a post race party with Pete’s family and I just can’t tell you how special this was. I felt so loved, so known, so valued, so at home and welcomed! I am so grateful!

Well, next stop Chicago! I surely don’t know how I am going to run 26.2 miles, but I’m trusting coach Kevin’s training advice and I’m relying on the collective strength of Team McGraw. With this strength, I know anything is possible. Ya Gotta Believe!!!

Doug

I can’t begin to understand why life is the way it is and why people, including myself, have such a tough time figuring out how to navigate the terrain. I mean, there have been so many before us who have shared their experience, insights, wisdom and guidance, yet we still struggle just as much or more. We continue to pour ourselves into so much that is so meaningless and yet put such value on it. The movie, the Matrix seems so dead on to me. We are running around pursuing so much, so fast and even though we have more knowledge, more resources, we are sicker than ever. We don’t have a clue of who we really are, but if we are willing, I believe, we can begin to know. We can begin to really live.

In my personal experience, it has taken great adversity and pain to produce true desire to seek life. Brain cancer and loss of my best friend, my girl was the catalyst that has both devastated me and brought me to a place of seeking; a drive to know my identity, my purpose, my place in this grand plan of a loving God and creator of all that is and all that has ever been and all that ever will be. This drive has been accompanied with the courage to face my fears and a desire to open myself up to full examination of my deep heart to include my desires, hopes, dreams, motives, dissappointments and beliefs. In this process I am finding a very real and very personal love is guiding me and revealing that which I seek. I am finding the uniqueness of who I am and the great love that knows me like no other, that continues to provide just what I need, in just the right way at just the right time to bring me even closer.

Today, I have life and I am grateful. I am learning there is no other way but to be real, to be authentic, to be honest with myself and others. I must acknowledge my feelings, identify my shortcomings and seek life at all costs. Today is all I have and it is a gift that I cherish. Life is worth it!

Doug

I wrote this for another brain cancer awareness website and wanted to share it here also.

In 1991, I met and fell in love with a beautiful girl named Christy Joy. I was sober for the first time and a single parent of 3 small children. Christy stepped in and provided the motherly love my kids needed and together we pursued growth, healing and life. Christy was my best friend and companion. We traveled; we hiked, biked and loved our life, our friends and our family. We loved to be together and loved each other deeply. Our marriage was satisfying and beautiful; we thought we would grow old together, but life had other plans.

In December 2007, Christy had a day of weird episodes where she felt like she was in a dream. These lasted for seconds at first, but continued to escalate in length and intensity. She had no control over these. We decided to cancel our plans for that Friday evening and stay home and take it easy. If the strangeness didn’t stop, we would go to the hospital. Well, a full blown seizure got us to the ER shortly thereafter. After many tests and many guesses in the course of a week, we were sent to the Cleveland Clinic for further testing. Another week passed, with the same results of no answer. They sent in a neuro oncologist at the end, but ensured us this was only a precaution. Well, he had no doubt what the problem was and gave us his thoughts on what was occurring. At that point, hearing brain cancer didn’t sink in. We just wanted to go home and after 6 days in the hospital, we were out of there and on the road home in no time.

Our life became one of blood tests, MRIs, seizures, trips to Cleveland and a couple of biopsies, the last of which, in June 2008, gave us the diagnosis: stage 3 antiplastic astrocytoma. At least we knew at that point what we were fighting and radiation and chemo were the next options. We were hopeful and confident that we could beat this. After 3 weeks of whole brain radiation, quality of life was dramatically changed as Christy was physically drained and although her beautiful heart was present, she was increasingly frustrated with her ability to think. She had to give up her role with our company (we started our own computer consulting company in 1999). She felt like she was letting me down. I found new things that she could do to help her feel like a contributor.  Even these became more and more difficult. We tried to live as normal a life as possible, taking walks when we could and even traveling to our favorite vacation spot in Tennessee, but the cancer was always present and always found a way to interrupt our moments of peace and happiness.

We hoped, but we sensed our time together was fast coming to an end. We began to discuss the end and her last wishes. She told me I was going to need a new suit. She wanted a celebration of her life, not a funeral. She wanted her body to be cremated and her ashes spread in the mountains of Tennessee. We loved it there and hiked often. These were intimate conversations and although difficult, brought us even closer together. I loved Christy so deeply in these last days.

After a beautiful evening of great food and close friends and family on Thursday, the next day brought the beginning of the end. Christy began to get more and more fatigued and just wanted to rest and sleep. On Saturday she closed her beautiful blue eyes. After a week of praying, singing to her, reading to her and holding her in my arms each day, on February 19^th, 2010, Christy took her last breath. As I listened to her heart beat for the last time and in the silence that followed, my own heart was forever broken.

I loved Christy with everything in me and I miss her so very much. We (beautiful friends and family) traveled to Tennessee and hiked to Mt. Leconte on a beautiful, clear Mother’s day and spread her ashes per her request. A time in life I will never forget. I have since been running half and full marathons for the Tug McGraw foundation (Team McGraw) to raise money and awareness for brain cancer survivors and caregivers. I am writing, cycling, playing the guitar and pursuing health and relationships with a newness and freshness, but life is a struggle each and every day. I miss my girl! My life has been turned upside down and inside out. I truly will never be the same.

Doug

Here I am, another day to find more of who I am. I feel I’m learning almost daily how to live this life. I know I have been extremely blessed, even as I consider the loss of so many loved ones. I so terribly miss Christy and I miss my mom and dad. I feel so very lonely at times, but I am certain I will see them again and I’m certain that reunion will be way beyond cool! I can’t wait, but not yet. I have much yet to do here, this I somehow know.

I’m just scratching the surface of a new experience of love, a love from deep within. A love that has always been, but not fully realized. This is a love that is allowing me to really love me, Doug! I have always been very critical of myself, expecting perfection in the midst of impossible choices and situations. I have been driven to prove something to myself, but not sure what that is and so I strived toward a goal that I did not know and even though I didn’t know, I felt I was not reaching it and thus would be disappointed with myself. A little crazy for sure!

I do seem to have found the real goal that my heart longs for and I am digging deep  to find the love that breathes life and I am allowing that love to soak in and as I do,  I’m being healed. I am so very grateful for this realization of love and I am learning to stop and be present in the moments of life, the time and space where true love lives. I am also remembering back to very specific moments in time where I breathed the breath of life, these were sacred moments in  my life journey leading me toward the knowledge of who I am and to the truth that I am loved deeply and completely. There have been many such moments. I have been incredibly blessed to experience what I have experienced in my 54 years. Although I don’t fully understand, I do feel that life on this earth in these bodies is so precious. There is no time to waste as I know the deep love at the core of my being must be realized fully. The divine in me yearns to connect to the divine in others in order to expand this reality of true love. For God so loved the world!

Blessings,

Doug

Today has been a good day. I slept in, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I’m sitting under some beautiful shade trees in my backyard reading, writing and praying. I am at peace with where I am. I am thankful for this peace as I  flat out miss Christy and I have struggled to find sustained peace in my life without her.

Life has been difficult, but not in a way that I would have ever thought. My difficulties are not the struggles of my past, but the struggles with heartache, with facing my feelings (some for the first time in my life), with loving myself. I thought getting sober was difficult, but this stuff is just plain crazy! I do indeed have so much to be thankful for as my life has been blessed by new relationships, new revelations and new hope, but I do struggle at times to remember. Fortunately, I know deep in my being, the creator of the universe loves me unconditionally! That is pretty darn amazing and very real to me as I reshape my life without Christy.

It has been just over 15 months since Christy’s death and it feels like 15 years at times, yet at times I feel her so close as if she was just in the other room. This can be both amazing and sad. Kind of a crazy ride, but it is my part of my journey, part of my reality.

I do feel great hope that the turn to life and joy is present today. Yesterday was a great indication of that as my house was filled with real joy as a sortof inpromptu cookout came after church bringing singing, laughter and beauty. Thank you Lynn, Darlene, Bob, Julie, Wil, Jenni, Michael, Maria, Morgan, Luke and Natalie for bringing such love and happiness to my home! If a house could smile, it was indeed smiling!

Today, I am so grateful for life and I know that I am loved. Today, I will live in this day, this moment as that is all I have, but it is enough! Blessed beyond measure.

Peace,
Doug

As I contemplate the memories of this past weekend, I find that I am most certainly moved  by the love that I experienced. I cannot fully comprehend how such beauty can arise out of such pain, but it is indeed undeniable. I really wasn’t sure how I would feel coming back to Nashville for the second time to run with Team McGraw, but by Thursday I began to get a glimpse as my spirit moved me to tears just thinking about it. I was returning to the city where I first ran a half marathon to honor my Christy, where I first met a group of people that would soon become my closest friends. It was where I first met in person and shared a stage with a beautiful young woman named Jenny, who would impact my life in such a positive way. I sensed something very special would again manifest itself.

The ride down was filled with beauty as the skies were clear and the hawks were soaring! I just know Christy has a hand in sending these beautiful birds across our paths. The natural beauty of Kentucky and Tennessee in the freshness of spring brings about such an inner peace and majestic awareness of something much greater than ourselves. I’ve traveled these roads many times and I never cease to be awed by this beauty.

Arriving in Nashville, the first stop was the runners expo at the convention center. We were fortunate to arrive early in the afternoon and thus missed the big crowds. It was a bit surreal coming back here and there were definite feelings of sadness mixed in with excitement. Getting a bag of freebies from the exhibitors, stopping at the Starbucks in the Renaissance Hotel and relaxing on their comfy couches was quite nice.

The Lowes Vanderbuilt hotel was such a perfect place to stay and provided the perfect space for the Team McGraw pre-race pasta party (Genvieve thank you) . It was a time to reconnect with old friends and  to meet new friends. The food was excellent, but what would follow was a gift from heaven. As we introduced ourselves and shared our reasons for running, I felt in awe as we were in the midst of such a sacred gathering. Each story shared from hearts carrying the relentless pain of loss, the determined  courage to fight, the unfathomable love brought about a holy moment in time and space that I won’t soon forget. The tears were healing and the oneness was apparent.

Gathering in the morning in the lobby, we were delighted to see that Jeff was able to make it and help coach Kevin ensure that we all made it through. These men are amazing people and I love them both deeply. We trekked it the short distance to the parthanon and met up with the rest of our team for pictures, hugs and chanting of “Ya gotta believe”. I have never before experienced such a oneness, a unity of spirit, than I have with Team McGraw. I am so honored to be joined with such a group. This group from all across the US, from different backgrounds, religions and generations. We are all one in love and purpose. It is just beautiful!

The run itself was quite a challenge with sunny, warm and humid conditions and of course, the hills! Personally, I battled shin splints for several miles, on and off knee pain and a quad muscle getting quite tight toward the end. Each time I wanted to give in to the discomfort, I remembered why I was running and what I was experiencing was temporary and  this battle over physical pain was small in comparison to what Christy went through. I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t give up….one stride at a time…I kept running and finally the 13 mile mark was in sight and the finish line soon to be crossed. I ran as hard as I could to the finish. I cried….

I ran into love this past weekend. I was changed and healed a bit more. I am loved and I am blessed. TEAM McGraw I love you all! Ya Gotta Believe!

Doug