Today has been a good day. I slept in, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I’m sitting under some beautiful shade trees in my backyard reading, writing and praying. I am at peace with where I am. I am thankful for this peace as I flat out miss Christy and I have struggled to find sustained peace in my life without her.
Life has been difficult, but not in a way that I would have ever thought. My difficulties are not the struggles of my past, but the struggles with heartache, with facing my feelings (some for the first time in my life), with loving myself. I thought getting sober was difficult, but this stuff is just plain crazy! I do indeed have so much to be thankful for as my life has been blessed by new relationships, new revelations and new hope, but I do struggle at times to remember. Fortunately, I know deep in my being, the creator of the universe loves me unconditionally! That is pretty darn amazing and very real to me as I reshape my life without Christy.
It has been just over 15 months since Christy’s death and it feels like 15 years at times, yet at times I feel her so close as if she was just in the other room. This can be both amazing and sad. Kind of a crazy ride, but it is my part of my journey, part of my reality.
I do feel great hope that the turn to life and joy is present today. Yesterday was a great indication of that as my house was filled with real joy as a sortof inpromptu cookout came after church bringing singing, laughter and beauty. Thank you Lynn, Darlene, Bob, Julie, Wil, Jenni, Michael, Maria, Morgan, Luke and Natalie for bringing such love and happiness to my home! If a house could smile, it was indeed smiling!
Today, I am so grateful for life and I know that I am loved. Today, I will live in this day, this moment as that is all I have, but it is enough! Blessed beyond measure.
Peace,
Doug