I am loved. I am indwelled by love. I am a channel of love. Do I believe this? More and more I do and the more I do, the more I feel alive. The more I feel alive, the more I desire to love myself and others. It is such an incredible circle of life. And I do desire life and wholeness. I am working hard to find this life one day at a time. I am a child of God and I am created to love and to be loved.
As I ponder who I am in the midst of grief and the new life I still haven’t figured out. I am finding the strength and courage to trust this life will once again illumine joy in my heart. I get glimpses as Dad and Pappaw. I get glimpses as I find life in recovery and through my friends, both old and new. I get glimpses as I run mile after mile along the river, seeing the beauty of creation, hawks gracefully soaring. I sense the universe leading me toward beauty beyond my imagination.
I hurt today. I hurt most days, but I am beginning to truly realize the depths of the love that has held me, not only throughout the past year, but throughout my entire life. In this painful place, this place of loss, I am examining my heart and I am exposing the darkness to the light. The negative lies I have believed about myself are losing their power. The dark cannot exist in the light. In fact, it never existed. Darkness is but an illusion, a deception to my true identity. I am love because I AM loves me!
Peace,
Doug