This has been the most difficult year of my life. I cannot begin to write just how surreal this whole year has been. I remember hearing my girl’s heart stop beating. At that time, I felt both relief and great sorrow. I believe that love won and cancer had lost, but my best friend, my soul mate had made the transformation and I was left behind. My world would never be the same. How could I ever be happy without her? How could I do this? Indeed, it has been hard. At times, I’ve found it almost impossible to find the motivation to want to live. Most times though, I have found hope that life and love is absolutely possible. I am a survivor and I am finding my way through the pain, one day at a time, sometimes one second at a time. I am finding healthy ways to express and feel my pain. I will live and I will find peace and joy again. I do know this with everything in me!
I am blessed to have had 19+ years with such a beautiful, unique piece of Jesus named Christy Joy Ellis! God’s light shined brightly in this beautiful girl! She inspired me to want to be a better man, a better husband. I loved loving her and being near her. We encouraged one another to find more, to be who we were created to be and truly seek the desires of our heart. To love is to desire the spiritual maturation of another and out of that love develops such a oneness, such a bond, one that can never be broken. Death cannot and has not broken our bond. Love has truly won!
I miss you Christy, but I feel you close. I am finding that there is indeed a thin veil that separates us. I know in my heart that the love of God encompasses all and the Spirit lives within me, therefore the closeness, the breath of your essence that I hold dear is real and tangible. I feel your prayers of encouragement to hold on and know that the pain of life produces a deep knowing of the creator of life. I know you came to know this truth as your days here were coming to a close. What we were able to share together in those last days was precious. Time did slow down and we were able to experience such a deeper love, our hearts fully meshed, allowing the fullness of life to flow in, even in the midst of death. As I remember that last week. I remember this overwhelming love that held us both. Even though, you couldn’t talk or open your eyes, I knew when I crawled in that bed each day, we were holding each other. I love you forever my girl!
Doug