January 19th marked 11 months since Christy’s departure from us. It seems so much longer. I am fighting daily to find balance as I am moving forward, yet not wanting to let go. As time has passed though, I am finding the ability to feel the pain and push through the pain, not letting it take me out as it so often did in the past. Getting back to recovery has helped me tremendously. I am once again, working a 12 step program and going to meetings. I have not had a drink in 21 years and I haven’t had thoughts of drinking again, but I have had similar feelings of frustration that have made me realize, recovery is a lifelong plan for fully becoming who I was created to be. Life’s journey is full of hardships, but also full of beauty. I am looking for and finding more and more beauty, not only today, but throughout my whole life. Recovery helps me to remember, there is still beauty in the midst of pain and that I truly have been given an abundance of beauty.
On January 12th, Christy and I would have celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. We had a video made on that day and for the past 11 months, I had not been able to find it. I really feared it lost. On my birthday, January 11th, I was moving some file folders and out popped the video! I was so surprise and so happy to see that video. On our anniversary date, I watched the video and not only did I see my Christy, but I also saw my Mom (Katie), My Dad (Dave), my stepmom (Diane), Christy’s Grandma (Helen), Grandpa (Sherman) and Grandma (Thelma). All had gone before and I am sure all welcomed Christy to heaven! I am so thankful for that video at this time in my life. I felt such peace and such a sense of blessing through seeing all of them in one room smiling, laughing and full of life. Such a joyous gathering on that day in 1991. Thank you God!
I am continuing my support of the Tug McGraw foundation in 2011 and will be raising funds and running 2 half marathons and 1 full marathon. My heart is fully connected to this team of incredible individuals who display such courage, hope and beauty. I have been healed, loved, encouraged and given such a unique opportunity to also give back that which I have received through my participation with Team McGraw. Such a gift!
Today is a gift of life. Today I am grateful. Today, I will live!
Peace,
Doug