I cannot believe how hard life is. I thought I had a pretty good handle on most things. I knew life without Christy would be difficult, but I really had no clue. I see her, feel her and yearn for her every day. Sometimes I can embrace the thoughts, the memories and feel peace. Other times, I feel totally lost and hurt. This life all seems so surreal. I feel like I’m walking in a dream, an illusion. I think the matrix may be real in a sense. I didn’t fully understand life, blessings, pain, loss, joy, long suffering until brain cancer entered my world.
I now am finding a deeper yearning to know why I’m here, what my designed purpose truly is. Basically, to connect fully with my creator and know the face of love more intimately than I ever thought or knew was possible. I long to know the true face of Jesus. The Jesus who loved from every pore while on this earth and loves today from a place within each of us. Freely giving, freely accepting, fully forgiving even the worst of us. I desire to be whole, to be healed, to be fully known and fully free. I am in pursuit or so it seems??? I think it more accurate that I am being pursued
I surely don’t understand why it must be this way, but I’m trusting this is the way, right through the middle of pain. Seems a bit counter intuitive yet reasonable at the same time. God seems to work that way so I’m going to trust it, embrace it and see where it goes. Today, I am hopeful and feeling loved and I am thankful.
Doug