Today is the 8 month mark of Christy’s last day here with us and I have certainly found life to be a tremendous challenge during these past months. The peaks can be extraordinarily high (I have experienced a few) and the valleys incredibly deep (lots of these). I thought I had experienced much of that before this past year, but I really didn’t have a clue. I’ve experienced a love, so pure, so strong through a time that brought me to a broken place that I literally felt would kill me. What is amazing to me is the ability of the human spirit to find home, even in the darkest moments. And home to me is where I find truth in who I am and who I was created to be, a resting place where I know I am loved so fully, so perfectly. I have experienced some of the darkest moments of my life this past year and yet, I still have hope, I still find that life has meaning and a purpose for my being here. That to me is amazing!
I do often ache for a “do over” with Christy. To be able to enjoy just being with her one more time. Her presence gave me peace and assurance that I was capable of loving in a manner that brought both growth and joy. I loved Christy with everything in me, a love that I never thought I had the capacity for before we met. We both came from broken places, searching for change. We sought together new hope and new life and in this quest our hearts were made alive and full of love for life and for each other. Our deep hearts, created for love, were made aware of a perfect love given as a gift and a blessing long before we were ever conceived. Crazy to think about, but I believe this fully. Christy and I experienced this love and it changed us. It is in this love that I can go on. I can hope, I can love, I can dream of experiencing joy again. If we were not created to love and to be loved like this, then what is the point? How can we go on with such tragedy all around us?
There is a perfect plan, I know this, although I’m really not too pleased to let go of such a beautiful piece of my life. But, I am so very content in knowing Christy is now completely whole, complete in perfect love, no cancer, no limitations, fully alive. I can only imagine the beauty, the feeling of being fully held by such a perfect love, a complete overwhelming of all our senses to a degree indescrible in this realm. I want to join her, but not yet! I still feel I have much to do here, much to learn and much to live for. I am a blessed man, even though it hurts………
Doug