I sure never believed life would be so different in such a short while. I remember everything so vividly, yet it seems so long ago at times, almost like a dream. I have never been tested so hard in my entire life. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, bad marriages, custody battles, strained relationships, illness, death of my parents. Nothing has been so difficult to understand, make sense of or accept as the death of my sweet girl. But somehow, I am continuing to get new glimpses of hope and life. I have had all the head knowledge of heaven for most of my life, but with Christy’s cancer and death, I am being shown heaven in my heart. I’m knowing with certainty that heaven is so much more than what I could have ever imagined. As I reach through the pain of Christy’s physical absense and open my heart to what God is showing me through the ache, through the sometimes overwhelming longing to hold her, I am being given a sense of “more”. A new awareness of life, of connectedness. Not only with God, but with Christy, with people around me. I am truly beginning to see and feel the words of Jesus ringing true in such a real and penetrating way. I have seen glimpses of what I’m attempting to describe before for brief moments, but never to this degree. I am being changed by a love so deep, so perfect, so beautiful. I know God is healing my brokenness and I know there is so much more that God is going to reveal to me in time, one step at a time, one day at a time. We are never outside of the realm of God. We are loved deeply today, exactly where we are, exactly as we are. Such a love for such a time as this!
Blessings,
Doug