Today I am thankful. My life has indeed been blessed and saturated by the love of God through Jesus that I have witnessed first hand in the outpouring of love from those who have come beside me in my grief. And there have been so many! I am at a place of feeling and hope. I am feeling loved and that gives me hope and even more, it gives me the desire to love. I know though, that love is more than a feeling, it is a choice. I am choosing to love today. I am choosing to live today. Thank you my sweet Lord for this new day!
July 4th 2005
This weekend is another first, my first 4th of July since Christy’s death. Although, we really weren’t that big on fireworks, we did build some very good memories surrounding this holiday. I remember fireworks in Florida with our kids, my mother and stepfather. It was hot, sticky and lots of bugs, but we were together. I remember all the times at the park in Moraine, sometimes sitting in the rain. Sometimes the fireworks display wasn’t quite as spectacular as we would have liked and the traffic was a pain, but we were together, together with family and friends celebrating freedom and love. I’m not sure what I will do this 4th of July. My tendency may be to skip all the crowds and hoopla, but my heart tells me not to let my grief keep me from experiencing this holiday in a new way, while at the same time allowing an opportunity to remember the beautiful times Christy and I enjoyed together.
I know the firsts will continue to come and I will grieve them one at a time. I will do my best to hang on to the beautiful memories and not fear the feelings, emotions and aching in my heart that I know will come. I will fight to live and not let my grief keep me from living life fully, freely, enjoying all that God has and will bring into my life. I am wounded, but my wounds are healing and in the process my spirit is being nurished. I am a blessed man!
Blessings,
Doug