It seems these days that time is being measured by both loss and gain. I have lost a beautiful companion and my best friend, but I have gained an ability to love that I didn’t know existed or that I was capable of giving or receiving. I can’t really explain how I feel today, but I do know that I have been and am being changed. I see the world differently. I see people differently. I see God differently and more clearly than ever. I am desiring to become more, to see more, to experience more, to be more vulnerable, to be more open to hearing and experiencing people’s stories.
I hurt, I cry and at times I feel so desperate to hold my sweet girl one more time. I am learning to allow these emotions and yearnings the freedom to permeate my being and wash my grief with my tears. When I can do this, I have experienced great relief and comfort and can almost physically sense a forward progress. I still tend to try and fend off these emotions as they just seem to want to show up, often times, in public places and my pride, many times, won’t let me go there. I am learning though, that I need to let go as often as I can. It really doesn’t matter if strangers see an emotional outburst or tears. Maybe they need to see it. I’m working hard on this one. Pray for me.
4 months this past Saturday. It is ironic that both Christy’s death and my father’s birth are the same date, February 19th. This picture of them together is so very precious as it represents to me a glimpse of heaven. I sure never thought this photo would have that significance when I took it. I am thankful for this gift. They are so beautiful together. I miss then so much. 
Although I struggle, at times I am feeling this incredible hope building in me. Hope that life is good. Hope that life is worth the pain. Hope that joy is just around the corner. Hope that love does win every time! God is indeed amazing! I am such a blessed man!
Blessings,
Doug