It has been 7 weeks now since my Christy left this world. I’m trying to gauge where I am in so far as my grieving goes and I really feel like I haven’t moved much. I still cry un-expectantly, I still ache in my heart for what could have been. I am comforted by the thought of my girl being in heaven with Jesus among the great cloud of witnesses, but I really miss her and want to be with her. I am feeling this loss more acutely as I think I’m coming out of the shock and numbness associated with Christy’s death. I am finding it harder to look at pictures and relive memories as it just plain hurts. I’m not trying to gloss over this pain and face it as I know this is all part of the process. I still can’t believe she is gone!! I just can’t get a firm grasp of that reality. It is very frustrating…Jesus I need you today!
I am doing many things that help me: I’m still running, biking, playing guitar, singing, reading, writing, praying and praising God. I’m not hiding, but reaching out to my friends and family. I so need the love of the body! I can’t imagine being alone during such a hard time.
Even though it doesn’t seem like I’ve moved much, I do know that I have. I know deep in my heart that God has me and the prayers of the saints and the great cloud of witnesses, with my Christy right up front, cheering me on! I am covered, I am loved, I have hope, I have love, and I am such a blessed man!
Blessings,
Doug
Hebrews 12: 1-3
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Doug,
You are never alone in your grief. You have an amazing family and a great group of friends. You have made tremendous progress in your grief. You may not feel it, but others around you can see it. Grief is a funny thing…you think you are getting a handle on it and then it throws a curve ball at you. Continue leaning on those amazing people who are by your side, continue looking at those pictures because they are filled with such amazing memories, finally, continue believing in the amazing Lord our faith allows us to have.
Holly