Today the sun did shine and life continued, but at times I felt I was not there. I am doing many positive things to get in and through my grief, but I am surprised by thoughts and emotions almost daily. Last night I really wanted to call Christy. I felt very empty at that point. Today, I felt the same emptiness when I thought of spending Friday night at home without her. Overall, I feel I’m doing fairly well, but I also feel that I’m just scratching the surface of some very difficult days ahead.
I went to a grief support group for widows and widowers on Thursday and had the feeling of being quite lost. I’m not sure why, but I actually felt sad after leaving there. I am not sure I will try that particular group again, but may try a different one.
I’m playing the guitar, running daily, reading several different books, writing and doing a lot of praying. These activities along with the support of all of you are giving me hope for life. I so want to not be in pain, but I don’t think that will ever be my reality. My goal is not to let the pain control me. I am determined to not let the pain take me out. I will continue to share my heart and emotions so that light can have dominance. For darkness cannot exist in light.
Am I sad? Yes. Am I hopeful? Yes! This is my reality today and it’s OK. I will love and encourage myself and others today as much as I am capable. I will be OK with where I am today. Life is hard, but life is good! Life and every breath is truly a gift from God and I am thankful.
Blessings,
Doug
Doug, keep writing, keep praying and keep moving… God is doing a mighty wrok in and through you… stay open to the work being done!
Well said, my friend….well said. Thanks for your vulnerability. I’m so proud of you for not pretending. Your heart is beautiful. You are doing a phenomenal job on this very difficult journey. Keep on keeping it real!!!
I love you dad! you are an amazing person inside and out. Thank you for being my daddy!