Things will never be the same

Beauty from heaven!

I must say that life is hard. I am fighting a constant pain, a constant hurt deep in my soul. Combine this with life and the pursuit of happiness (or whatever the people I encounter daily are pursuing) and emotions can really get to me at times. Usually the emotions come quite unexpected. After a beautiful day driving in the country this past Monday, a rather rude driver evoked some pretty strong anger from me. Just last week, mowing the grass, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with sorrow and started crying. I am learning this is normal in the greiving process and I am also finding that in the pain and through the release of emotions I am finding so much about who God created me to be. I am finding that I am so much stronger than I ever imagined.

This newfound strength is convincing me that  I am so loved, so supported, so incredibly gifted with a heart capable of such great love. I am finding I am a giver. A giver of hope, life and love. I am capable of giving love on such an incredible, indescribable level. I want to give. I want to provide hope to the hopeless, love to the unloved. This is why I am here. This is why I have survived such great loss. This is my purpose and my driving force. Surrendered to the love that has so wrapped my wounded heart!

I am hoping to find peace today. I am hoping to find joy today. I am hoping to find purpose today. I am loved and I can love. I will choose to love today. If I remain diligent in this pursuit, I will find those things I am hoping for. These are words of life. Today, I choose life!

Christy girl, I miss you so much, yet I am alive. I feel your love for me so very deeply. I thank God so very much for the time we had together. The time apart hurts, but I know I will see you again in heaven. Today the sun came up and I opened my eyes and I am still here. So, I will choose to live and to love! Oh, and thanks for the hawks!

Blessings,

Doug